Escape to Milton: Luxurious Stay at Holiday Inn Express & Suites!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the glorious, the messy, the sometimes-a-bit-disappointing world of reviewing – and this time, it's all about insert hotel name here! (Let’s just call it "The Grand Oasis," yeah? Makes it sound exotic, even if it's just a slightly above-average hotel). I'm gonna get REAL about this one, not all polished and perfect like those travel bloggers. I want you to feel like you're there with me, sweating (maybe literally in some cases, depending on the air con situation!) over deciding if this place deserves your precious vacation time.
First Impressions (and Let Me Tell You, They Matter!)
So, picture this: you've just survived the airport chaos (the airline lost your luggage? Again? Argh!), you're tired, you’re grumpy, and you need a clean, comfortable bed and maybe a stiff drink. The Grand Oasis… well, the lobby was fine. Not breathtaking, not offensively ugly. It had one of those giant, slightly-dusty chandeliers that you see in every other hotel in the world. You get the instant impression that the hotel is fine. Not amazing, just… fine. Check-in was blessedly contactless (thank you, technology!), and the front desk staff, bless their hearts, were trying to be helpful. One dude, let's call him "Gary," clearly hadn't had his coffee yet. But hey, we all have those days. (Thankfully, the 24-hour front desk really is 24 hours, which is a BIG PLUS if you're a late-night arrival like me.)
Accessibility & The Wheelchair Wobble
Okay, important stuff first. Accessibility: The Grand Oasis says it's accessible. They say that. There's an elevator (hallelujah!) and, good lord, bless them, an accessible bathroom. However, I didn't actually test the wheelchair accessibility myself. So, I'm relying on the hotel's claims here, and I gotta say, I’m always a little sus about these things. CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, and a Doorman are present.
The Internet Abyss (or, How I Learned to Live Without My Insta-Fix)
Internet Access: Okay, so the Wi-Fi situation… it's… variable. They advertise Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (And thank the heavens it is, especially since I lost my luggage – more on that later). They also have Internet [LAN] but who uses that anymore? It was, at best, a slightly sluggish dance of buffering and dropped connections. (You ever try to upload a video of your cat doing something cute on a slow connection? It's a special kind of torture, people!) Wi-Fi in public areas seemed to be a bit more reliable, but I definitely found myself wandering the halls looking for a decent signal more than once. So, if you're a digital nomad relying on a lightning-fast connection, maybe buy a good local SIM card. I may or may not have yelled "WHERE'S MY WIFI!" at the ceiling at one point.
Rooms: A Tale of Two Worlds (with a dash of regret)
My room? Standard, pretty much. Non-smoking room, thank god – I abhor the smell of stale cigarettes. Air conditioning? Yes. (And thankfully, it actually worked!) Blackout curtains? Yes! (A sleep saver after that long flight). I appreciated the Complimentary tea and Free bottled water, the little things that make a difference. The bed was comfy-ish, the Daily housekeeping was thorough. Although, one day the housekeeper accidentally took my lucky socks! I swear, I almost cried. Luckily, they were found the next day. The bathroom, however, was a bit of a letdown. Basic, a bit cramped, and the shower water pressure… well, let's just say it wasn't exactly a waterfall. I'd give the shower a "meh." Room sanitization opt-out available, the staff is using Anti-viral cleaning products and Rooms sanitized between stays. I did notice Soundproofing and Smoke alarms.
The Good Stuff (and the Slightly Less Good Stuff)
- Things to do: They had a Fitness center. I tried it. It was small, but functional. They had a treadmill that kinda worked, and a few weights. Nothing to write home about, but hey, at least you can get a little sweat on. There is also a Gym/fitness.
- Ways to relax: The pool with a view? Spectacular. Worth the trip alone. They also have a Sauna, a Spa, Spa/sauna and a steamroom (though I didn't get a chance to experience these). The swimming pool (outdoor) was great, a perfect place to cool off after a long day.
- Cleanliness and safety: The hotel felt clean. They were definitely trying. Hand sanitizer stations were readily available. They had a Doctor/nurse on call.
- Dining, drinking, and snacking: Okay, this is where things get…interesting. So, the Breakfast [buffet] (buffet in restaurant!) was…adequate. Asian breakfast and Western breakfast choices were available. I’m a bit of a picky eater, so I wasn’t overly impressed, but they had the basics covered - Coffee/tea in restaurant. The poolside bar was a lifesaver! They also have Restaurants, including one serving Asian cuisine in restaurant. The A la carte in restaurant, not bad, but nothing to write home about. Desserts in restaurant. Be warned: the Happy hour prices did NOT extend to the cocktails I craved.
- Services and conveniences: I found a Convenience store which was a blessing, I'd lost my luggage, remember? They had Laundry service and Dry cleaning, which was a lifesaver, since I was running low on clean clothes. The Concierge, was, as I mentioned earlier, helpful. Cash withdrawal was easy, and they provided Invoice provided upon request.
- For the kids: Family/child-friendly and had Kids facilities, and offered a Babysitting service.
Food, Glorious Food (Mostly Meh)
So, the dining. Oh, the dining. The Grand Oasis Restaurant (fancy name, right?) offered a Buffet in restaurant, and, also, Alternative meal arrangement. The food was… mixed. The Soup in restaurant was actually pretty good and the Salad in restaurant was actually edible - a small triumph. The Snack bar was okay, but nothing special. The Coffee shop was fine for a quick caffeine fix, but if you’re a coffee snob, you’re going to be disappointed. They did, however, have a fabulous Bar, which was definitely a plus.
The "Meh" Moments (because let's be honest, no hotel is perfect)
- The TV: Satellite/cable channels, sure, but the selection? Pathetic. Mostly dubbed-over action movies and infomercials. On-demand movies? Don't even bother.
- The extra costs: Want a late checkout? Cha-ching! Need anything beyond the bare minimum? Cha-ching! It can add up.
- The "vibe": It just felt a little…corporate. A little generic. Lacking that special something that makes a hotel memorable.
So, Should You Book? (My Honest Verdict)
Okay, here’s the deal. The Grand Oasis is fine. It's not going to blow your mind. It's not going to become your favorite hotel of all time. But it's a solid choice if you’re prioritizing convenience, a decent pool, and a clean(ish) room. The location is pretty good. The staff is trying their best. The price is… reasonable.
Here’s my pitch (the slightly less polished-than-a-polished-travel-brochure-version):
"Escape the Ordinary (and the Airport Luggage Hell)
Tired of the same old hotel experience? The Grand Oasis is your answer!
What you'll love:
- Relax in the Pool with a View: Soak up the sun, sip a cocktail, and forget all your worries. Trust me, you earned it.
- Breakfast in Bed (if you're lucky): Order it the night before because some mornings call for total bliss.
- Stay Connected (sort of): Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (Just don't expect blazing speeds.)
What to know:
- The food is… well, it's food. You'll find something you like
Okay, buckle up buttercup, because this ain’t your grandma’s perfectly-polished travel itinerary. We’re diving headfirst into the glorious, chaotic mess that is my… well, was my trip to the Holiday Inn Express & Suites Milton by IHG Canada. Let's see if I can even remember it all…
The “Itinerary” (More Like a Scattered Pile of Thoughts, Really)
Day 1: Arrival, Expectations Crushed (But in a Surprisingly Cozy Way)
- 1:00 PM - Arrival at Milton. Pre-Trip Hype: Okay, let's be real, I was picturing a sparkly, idyllic Milton. You know, Instagram-perfect. But driving in? Well, let’s just say my first thought was, "Hmm, a lot of strip malls." But listen, expectations are a cruel mistress.
- 1:30 PM - Check-In Debacle (Briefly): The front desk person was… sweet, bless her. But she also clearly wasn't having the best day. Took longer than it should have to check in. Minor annoyance, really. Nothing a comfy bed can't fix!
- 1:45 PM - Room Reconnaissance: The room! Okay, nothing particularly wrong. Standard hotel fare. Cleanish. The air conditioning blasted out a noise like a small, angry hummingbird, but I could work with it. The view? Well, across to a Tim Hortons. Again, expectations.
- 2:00 PM - The Pool (Or Lack Thereof) Disaster: I swear the website mentioned a pool. Maybe I hallucinated. Nope, no pool. Huge disappointment, especially since it was a scorcher outside. Stomped my feet for a bit.
- 2:30 PM - The Great Breakfast Search and Triumph: Ah, breakfast! The eternal hotel quest. Walked to the "breakfast room" (more like a breakfast alcove). Behold: the land of questionable sausage and… cardboard-textured waffles. However, the coffee? Honestly, it was better than expected. And there was yogurt! Small victories, people. Small victories. Got me through.
- 3:00 PM - Attempted Relaxation and Failing: Decided to spend some time in my room. Tried to read a book. Noise from the air conditioning. Nope. Then a truck went by and shook my building. Nope, not today.
Day 2: Exploring (and Surviving) Milton
- 9:00 AM - Breakfast Redux: Back to the breakfast buffet. This time, I recognized the waffle maker as my enemy. I ate some eggs. Eggs are reliable.
- 10:00 AM - Milton's Treasures (Or at Least, a Few of Them): Okay, so I ventured out. I stumbled upon a few places. A park that I was too scared of going to. I saw a grocery store and a church and the gym, but as my trip to Milton was very short, I went back to the hotel and watched some TV.
- 1:00 PM - Lunch Adventures (or, "Where to Find Actual Food"): I went to a restaurant. It was mediocre, but I was hungry, I had some chicken and fries and felt better. That's all that mattered.
- 2:00 PM - Back to the Hotel. I spend the rest of the day in my room, watching TV, and doing nothing.
Day 3: Departure & The Verdict
- 9:00 AM - Last Stand at the Breakfast Alcove Okay, I've seen all there is to see. The sausage still looks suspicious. I grabbed a banana, and left.
- 9:30 AM - Check-Out (Almost Seamlessly): Went by as planned, almost without any issues.
- 10:00 AM - Leaving Milton: That was it. Did I transform? Did I discover my inner Miltonian? No. But I survived.
The Verdict (Or, My Honest, Slightly Dramatized Thoughts)
The Holiday Inn Express & Suites Milton by IHG Canada? Look, it's a… Holiday Inn Express. It provided a roof, a vaguely edible breakfast, and a place to recharge. It had flaws, sure! And it wasn't the sparkling oasis I secretly hoped for. But did it get the job done? Yup. Would I go back? Maybe. Would I recommend it wholeheartedly? Nah. But if you're in Milton, and you need a place to lay your head… well, it'll do. And after all, isn't that what really matters? Honestly, mostly. You can have that.
Escape to Paradise: Unforgettable Stay at the White Mountain Inn
