Escape to Paradise: The Evergreen Hotel Awaits (US)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups! Because we are about to dive headfirst into the labyrinthine world of hotel reviewing with, … (insert hotel name here). Let’s just say, I’ve weathered more hotel rooms than a seasoned travel blogger, and this one… well, it’s got its quirks. Buckle in, because this is gonna be a ride.
First Impressions (and the Dreaded "Accessibility" Section… Yeesh)
Okay, let’s rip the band-aid off first. Accessibility - the elephant in the room that needs to be addressed properly. I always hold my breath with this one. Wheelchair accessible? Apparently, YES! That's HUGE. But you know how these things go, right? "Accessible" can mean a slightly widened door and a ramp that's steeper than a mountain goat's climb. We're gonna need some concrete evidence here - verified reviews and photos. We’ll get into specifics later. Now, they do list Facilities for disabled guests. That’s promising, but it’s vague. I need details! Are there grab bars in the bathrooms? What about the pool? Is that even accessible? This is where hotels often get a solid "needs improvement". And let's not forget the elevator. The Elevator is listed, which is a good sign, especially if the place is multi-storied. Hopefully its big enough to accommodate a wheelchair, with a little extra space for a terrified reviewer (that's me). I’m praying it's not a rickety, slow contraption that feels like a time capsule.
Internet: My Lifeline (and Its Potential to Fail Miserably)
Okay, so Internet access is a MUST-HAVE for me. I basically run my life from my laptop. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Hallelujah! That's a huge relief. But the devil is in the details. Is it actually good Wi-Fi? Because let’s be honest, even the best hotels can sometimes offer internet that barely functions, leaving you staring at a spinning wheel of death. They list Internet [LAN] too. Interesting. Old-school hardwired internet? Retro! Maybe for the hardcore… but I’m all about that Wi-Fi life. What about Wi-Fi in public areas? Crucial for those times you want to chill in the lobby and judge everyone else's travel choices (kidding!… mostly). And Internet services? What does that even mean? Are they going to come and set up my email for me? I hope so.
Wellness and Relaxation: The Spa, the Sauna, and My Overzealous Expectations
Alright, let’s talk about bliss. This is where hopefully the hotel can win me over. Things to do and ways to relax are essential. They list a Fitness center. Okay, good. My stomach would like to know where the free weights are. Gym/fitness is listed twice? Hmmm. Are they trying to convince me I'll actually use it? Don't get my hopes up! Pool with view. Now we're talking! A killer view from the pool? Yes, please. Swimming pool and Swimming pool [outdoor]. Excellent. Sounds promising. But is it overcrowded? Or does it feel like a crowded sardine can?
And the piece de resistance: the spa! Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Massage, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom… Dear lord, ALL of these?! That’s a serious commitment to pampering. I'm basically already picturing myself, swaddled in a robe, sipping cucumber water. I’m particularly interested in the quality of the massage. A good massage can erase a week of travel stress. A bad massage? Well, let's just say I've walked out feeling MORE stressed than when I walked in.
Cleanliness, Safety, and the COVID-19 Era Scare-Factor
Ugh. Let's face it, the world is a germ-fest right now. Cleanliness and safety are paramount. They list Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment. Okay, that's a comprehensive list. It gives me a slightly calmer feeling. But actions speak louder than words, people. I need to see it in practice. Is the lobby spotless? Do the staff actually wear masks properly? Do they have those handy little sanitizing stations every 5 feet?
They also list Doctor/nurse on call. Okay, good to know in case of a, you know, medical emergency. And a First aid kit. Excellent. I've been known to trip over my own feet.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: My Stomach's Opinion is CRITICAL
This is where my inner foodie gets to shine. Let's see what they're offering! A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant. Wow. That's a lot of options. A buffet? I'm always wary of buffets. They can be sublime, or they can be a petri dish of questionable quality food. The pool side bar is calling my name. Imagine -- sun, a cocktail, and some salty snacks. This could be excellent. I'm very curious about the Asian cuisine. Is it authentic? Is it delicious? Or is it just generic "Asian-inspired"? And the room service [24-hour]? This is key. The ultimate luxury. I need to judge the menu to determine its usefulness.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
This is where hotels win or lose me. Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center. Wowza. A lot.
The Concierge is a lifesaver. Need restaurant recommendations? Tickets to a show? They can be godsends. The Contactless check-in/out is a HUGE plus in the current climate. And a convenience store? Brilliant for late-night snacks (because let’s face it, I always need late-night snacks). Daily housekeeping. Great, unless they start cleaning at 7am, and you're still trying to sleep off the previous day's shenanigans. The Facilities for disabled guests get another mention. Still waiting on more details. And a Doorman? Now that's the feeling of being properly looked after, and is a must-have.
For the Kids (and the Parents Who Need a Vacation Too)
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal. They’re catering to the little ones! This is good news for parents who need a break. The Kids facilities and Kids meal are key. Are they boring chicken nuggets and fries? Or is it something more creative?
The Nitty-Gritty: The Room Itself
And now to the heart of the matter: the room! But oh, the agony.
Available in all rooms: Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
Woof. A LOT of stuff! Let's break it down….
Escape to Paradise: Unforgettable Aloft Bali Seminyak
Alright, buckle up, buttercups! Because my Evergreen Hotel itinerary is less "perfectly curated tour" and more "slightly-panicked art project made of memories." Let’s dive into this glorious mess…
The Evergreen Hotel: My Slightly Unhinged Adventure (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace the Slightly Sticky Carpet)
Day 1: Arrival and Initial Panic (AKA “Where’s the Remote?”)
- 1:00 PM: Arrive at The Evergreen. Found it! Turns out it wasn’t exactly "hidden," just… blending in with the slightly melancholic strip mall vibe. Check-in was efficient, but the look on the receptionist's face suggested I might be the only person checking in. I think I saw a tumbleweed roll by in the parking lot. (Kidding… mostly.)
- 1:30 PM: Room assessment: Okay, so the room… well, let’s just say it has character. It smells like… memories, and maybe a hint of cleaning solution that almost managed to banish the ghosts of cigarette smoke. And the carpet? Let's just say I'm investing in some serious slippers.
- 2:00 PM: The Great Remote Control Quest. Lord have mercy. After a 20-minute excavation behind the bed (seriously, WHERE do these things go?), I triumphantly retrieve the remote. Victory! Now, to find a channel that isn't showing a rerun of a game show from the 80s…
- Then… the Wi-Fi! Don't tell me it's not reliable! I can't function! I have to be connected!
- 4:00 PM: (Attempted) Poolside relaxation. Let's be real, the pool is more "aquatically challenged" than "pristine oasis." I did, however, overhear a heated argument about the proper temperature for a cocktail, which, frankly, was more entertaining. Opted to read my book instead. Much less chlorine.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at the hotel restaurant. "The Evergreen Diner." Ordered the special – "mystery meatloaf." It arrived. I took a bite and had a strong reaction. Not good, not bad… just… a thing. Made some friends with one of the waitresses, who was a nice lady. She said it's always a gamble.
Day 2: The Great Outing and the Existential Burger (AKA "Am I Doing This Right?")
- 9:00 AM: Actually got a decent night's sleep! I think the slightly lumpy mattress finally won me over.
- 10:00 AM: Breakfast and the news. It feels like I'm living in a movie… and I'm enjoying it.
- 11:00 AM: Attempted visit to the local landmark – the "World’s Largest Rubber Duck" (or something). Okay, so it turned out to be a disappointment. It was small and old… and just sitting there. Okay… let's head back and see what else is around.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at the local burger joint. This is where things took a glorious turn. This place wasn’t just a burger joint, it was a scene. The air was thick with the smell of sizzling patties, the jukebox blared some song I’d never heard but loved, and the waitress had a smile that could melt glaciers. And the burger? Oh, the burger… It was a masterpiece. I am going to double down on this experience. It was messy. It was sloppy. It was full of juicy goodness, and a damn good burger. I got a second one.
- 2:00 PM: Stumbled into a vintage shop. Found a truly remarkable ashtray, the type you'd find in your grandfathers' home. I had to have it.
- 4:00 PM: Back to the hotel. Read my book, staring at one of the pictures in the wall. It's of a boat in the sea… It makes me wonder where I am going to be next.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner. I got the mystery meatloaf again. It was… well, consistent. Maybe I'll try the pie.
Day 3: Departure and the lingering smell of "Experience" (AKA "Maybe I'll Be Back?")
- 9:00 AM: Woke up. Looked around, said "maybe I'll be back." This must be the experience.
- 10:00 AM: Check-out was friendly, bordering on relieved.
- 10:30 AM: Final look around the hotel. The carpet, the memories, the smell… I'm starting to miss it already.
- 11:00 AM: Departure. I bid goodbye to The Evergreen. Maybe I'll be back again.
Final Thoughts:
This wasn't a polished vacation. It was a collection of messy moments, unexpected burger revelations, and the lingering feeling that I'd somehow been part of something real. The Evergreen Hotel? It isn't perfect, but it's undeniably… Evergreen. And that, my friends, is saying something. Maybe I'll be back… and next time, I'm bringing my own carpet cleaner.
Escape to Ironbridge: Your Perfect Holiday Inn Telford Getaway!
So, um... what *is* the point of all this anyway? Like, the point of *life*? (Deep breath)
Oh, honey, if I knew *that*, you'd find me sunning myself on a private island right now, fueled by artisanal cocktails and the sweet nectar of enlightenment. The truth? I’m still figuring it out. I’ve spent entire afternoons staring into the middle distance, searching for the answer, and let me tell you, the middle distance holds *zero* answers. Zilch. Nada. Just, you know, the usual dust motes and a vague sense of existential dread. I *think* it's about (and this is a complete, off-the-cuff, probably wrong-headed opinion) connection. Like, really *seeing* people. Sharing a laugh so hard your stomach hurts, or holding someone's hand when the world feels like it's crumbling. Remember when I burnt the lasagna last Thanksgiving because I was too busy flirting with the UPS guy and my nephew was like, "Aunty, you okay?" and I burst into tears? Yeah, that's the point. Connection, baby. Messy, embarrassing, lasagna-burning connection.
What’s the secret to happiness? Spill the beans!
Alright, alright, alright… Okay, here’s the hot goss: There is NO SECRET. I repeat: NO SECRET. Anyone selling you a happiness pill or a foolproof formula is either a liar or a goddamn idiot (or both). It’s more like… a collection of little nudges. Like, maybe wake up and realize, "Hey, the sun is actually *shining* today!" and not just automatically assume the world owes you a good day. Or maybe it’s a ridiculously strong coffee, a killer playlist, and ignoring that email from your boss. I’ve tried everything. Meditation (made me twitchy). Yoga (made me resentful of my lack of flexibility). Positive affirmations (made me feel like I was lying to myself). The only thing that *consistently* seems to get me close is, you know, good friends, good food, and *maybe* a suspiciously large glass of wine. But honestly, even *that* is mostly temporary. Happiness is a fleeting butterfly, you know? The more you chase it, the faster it flies away. And that’s okay, too.
How do I deal with… *gestures vaguely at everything*… *everything*?
Oh, honey. I *feel* that. Honestly, I'm asking myself the same thing. If I had a dollar for every time I questioned my entire existence, well, I *would* be sunning myself on that private island. But let's get real: Life throws curveballs. Sometimes it feels like someone’s actively trying to win the World Series by just throwing junk balls at your face! What works *for me*? First, breathe. Deeply. Like you're trying to smell a freshly baked loaf of bread. (Mmm, bread...) Second, prioritize the non-negotiables. Sleep. Hydration. (Maybe a little caffeine, no judgment.) And then, find your coping mechanism. Mine? Binge-watching terrible reality TV and letting myself feel *all* the petty emotions. Also, chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. Whatever it is, don't be ashamed of it.
What's the *worst* piece of advice you've ever received?
Oh, this one's easy. My ex-boyfriend's dad, bless his heart, once told me, "Just relax. You're too uptight!" He followed it up with "You're going to scare away all the good men." I wanted to *scream*. I *am* uptight! And a good man will have to just accept it! He was clearly referring to my anxiety, as if I could just... turn it off like a light switch. The whole experience was so infuriating! Also, I have been waiting on what I thought was a good man for ten years, who knows if I am too uptight, but for the person I have met, it seems as if I am not and that's the best part. So, yeah. "Just relax." That's the worst. Followed closely by "You need a man to be happy." (Barf.)
What's something you're *really* proud of?
Okay, okay, this one makes me tear up a little. (Here we go…) I'm proud of the fact that I get up, even when I don't want to. I get out of bed, even when my brain is screaming, "Stay under the covers! The world is a scary place!" I’m proud of the moments I choose to be a better person, no matter what I felt. And I’m proud of the fact that I keep trying. I keep learning. I keep *failing*. Because that's what life is, isn't it? A glorious, beautiful, messy, and sometimes utterly disastrous experiment. And I'm here for it, even when I want to scream.
Where do you get all your wisdom from? (Just kidding… probably from the internet.)
Okay, first of all, *rude*. But you're not entirely wrong. I'm kidding, of course - mostly. My wisdom is a hodgepodge of experiences, embarrassing mishaps, and a healthy dose of "I learned it the hard way." Also, yes, the internet. I've read enough self-help articles to fill a library. But more importantly, I have a lot of friends. I also have a therapist (shout out, Dr. Miller!), a cat who judges my life choices on a daily basis, and a general tendency to overthink everything. This is a terrible combination, but you have to work with what you've got.
Is there a book you recommend or a movie you recommend?
Alright, time for the obligatory recommendations! Be warned: I am a sucker for anything with a good cry. * **Book:** *The Secret History* by Donna Tartt. It's a long, dark, beautiful ride about college students and secrets. Perfect for getting lost in. * **Movie:** *Ladybird*. I have seen this movie probably a dozen times, and it gets me every single time. It's a love letter to the beautiful mess of a relationship between a mother and daughter. Also, watch *Everything Everywhere All at Once* if you want to have an existential crisis that also makes you feel like you can conquer the universe.
What's the one thing you would tell your younger self?
